Obituaries
Our nephew was accidentally killed this past weekend. He was only 22. His mother, my husband's brother's wife, looked at me on Sunday, Mother's Day, and said "I wrote my son's obituary today." The pain is indescribable. To watch someone hurt that much is almost as painful as well.
The obituary was printed yesterday in the local paper. Obituaries are interesting things. As my mother calls it 'The Irish Sports Page" Most people in small towns like this one retain their newspaper subscriptions merely for the obituaries, and my father in law checks our paper when he visits to make sure he's not in there. When no one he knows is in there, he proclaims "Another banner day, I don't know anyone."
But obituaries are interesting in and of themselves. My name was printed in my nephew's obituary, as were my husband and children's. To me that is bizarre, I am IN someone's obituary. Hopefully he would be glad of that.
Obituaries are a one column, more than 21lines will cost ya, summation of the infamous 'DASH'.
You know the DASH = born 1914 DASH died 2003.
I know it's morbid, but obituaries are our final story, printed for the world to see, especially now online, they really are out there for ALL THE WORLD. Have you thought of your obituary? What will it include? Will it be a fair representation of you? Will you fill up the DASH with love and family, with accomplishments and successes, with failure and setbacks?
I often read the obituaries. Some of it is morbid curiosity....hoping I know no one. Other times I consciously think that I owe another human being the decency of reading their DASH. Other times I look and think wow, a long life lived, look how many children, or oh how young, how awful, i wonder how, that poor family.
How will your obituary read? Will is suffice to sum up your DASH? Most likely not. Luckily, there will be people in your life you will have surrounded yourself with, whom you have infinitely touched, more than you'll ever know, who will spread the word of your DASH and tell of it. In that way, you'll never really be gone from those who truly loved you.
- jess237's Stories
- Login or register to post comments
Comments
Tell us his dash
Between you and Cory I would love to hear the more about the Dash. Several years ago my grandfather, father and I were walking through a cemetary in Sandusky Ohio. There we found the grave stone of Peleg Cooley. Peleg Cooley was the first Cooley in our family to come to America in the late 1700s. His gravestone stands next to his wife Martha's but that is all we know. I so wish I knew more about the dash in his life.
So tell us a little bit more about your nephew.
Clay hardens by immobility – men's minds by standing pat. Both lose the power to take new impressions. (Pinchot 1910: 138)
Es tut mir leid
That's "I'M SORRY" in German. My cousin knows that, but it's for the other readers.
I was recently playing Steamer, my furry alter ego mascot, at a local grocery store, and saw this poor young lad's mother standing in line. Now, this was just two days before this God awful tragedy occured. I've known his mom since high school and her whole family. So I can say, 'we go way back' with fond and lighthearted memories. As I was goofing off with my antics, she looked up at me, smiled, rolled her eyes and said, " Hi Steamer! Some things never change" and just started laughing. This boy's mother has a great smile. And, I acknowledged to her, that it was me in the costume and went on doing my regular antics.
My dear friend, just told me tonight that she, the boy's wonderful mother, stopped in her office just to say HI, one day before this horrible incident. She used to work at the same office with my good friend. She just popped in to chit chat, and everyone asked how all 5 of her kids were, and she responded, while smiling cheeffully, "they are all great!" And, she went on to say how handsome her firstborn was, as if to hook him up with one of the nurses on staff. My God, you just never know when your time is going to be up. Carpe' Diem!
When I think of this boy's mom, my first visual is her great smile. I can not even begin to imagine the incredible agony she and the rest of her loved ones are encountering. I can't picture her not smiling. And to think this tragic accident happened Mother's Day weekend, is just inconceivable.
My prayers are so going out to my cousin Jess and the entire family. Especially the mother of the boy. They have a great long history. Different people deal with death in different ways. When I go to viewings and funerals, I also focus in on the photo collages and video montages that display the happy and fun times of the recently departed.
Alles schlaf, einsam wacht....all is calm, all is bright.
Story with a heartbreaking ending!
I cannot get past the thought of the pain that those parents have endured and the loss that they now experience daily.
Expand the "dash" for us?
So sorry to hear of your loss.
Perhaps when you've got a minute, you could tell us a little more about your nephew? Many of us have struggled with how to reduce a loved one's life down to just a few sentences. By the time you list the family info, there's no room to talk about who that person really was. But don't be discouraged -- by being "in" your nephew's obituary, you let your community know what's going on with you. They have the strength you and your family need right now, and they will find a hundred little ways to share it with you.
Obits - inadequate
Jess - My heart goes out to your family as they experience this loss. I enjoyed your musings about obituaries; since we wrote our son's two years ago, it has been on my mind a lot. Words just do not adequately express the wonderfulness of our loved ones' precious lives. I wrote a bit about my experience at http://www.storytrax.com/node/376. Stay close to your sister-in-law, she may need just a quiet presence. Anne H.
inadequate, yes
that was exactly the word i was looking for, inadequate.
I previosuly had read of your loss, and I am sorry if I inadvertently brought that back up again for you. It's just this obituary thign was sticking in my head and i was plunking it down online. I should have been more considerate.
I'm okay
It's not a problem, Jess. Thanks, but you didn't bring up anything that isn't on my mind daiily. Your thoughts are perfectly stated. The most flowery obituary . . . the biggest monument . . . there is not anything we can do that captures the wonderfulness of a lost loved one. We are obviously God's crowning creation! Anne H.