It's my dad's birthday today, and my little brother and his wife are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their new baby girl Ava.  Funny thing, it's also my brother's father-in-law's birthday too.  So, I kept hoping Julie would either hold that kid in or push her out, just as long as the babe wasn't born on both grandpap's birthdays.

Since my family has been referring to me as UNCLE BUCK, I thought I'd write a story about my brother Bret so his daughter could read someday. And, to start off my Blogs O Bret, I just found the best man's speech I gave at my bro's wedding in late August of 2005 in Ellwood City, Maryland. I had to write it down just in case I happened to be in another state that evening.  Not physically, but mentally. Here it is in it's entirity.

BRET’S TOAST/ROAST

 PICTURE IT, MORGANTOWN WEST VIRGINIA, JUNE 1976, THE SUMMER OF THE BICENTENNIALA VERY HAPPY AND CREATIVE 3 YEAR OLD WAS ABOUT TO HAVE HIS LIFE SHAKEN UP A BIT WITH THE ARRIVAL OF A BABY BOTHER…I MEAN, BROTHER. AH, BRET AND I GOT ALONG LIKE BROTHERS; CAIN AND ABLE.  YOU SEE, I WAS THE ARTIST, AND BRET WAS THE CON ARTIST…OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN, I MEAN ATHLETE.  YOU SEE HE WAS LIKE THE OTHER KIN FOLK, HE WAS INTO THAT ‘FUSS BALL’. AND, WHEN I LOOK OUT AT THIS CONGREGATION, I SEE A NICE PLACE, SHARPED DRESSED PEOPLE, FINE DINING, EXQUISITE BUBBLIES, I IMMEDIATELY THINK FUSS BALL. OH, CORY HAS A STORY.  IT DEALS WITH MY BROTHER AND THAT GAME THEY CALL FUSS BALL.AT THE END OF A SEASON, THESE GUYS HAVE A LITTLE GET TOGETHER CALLED A BOWL GAME.  BOWL GAMES, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO AREN’T FAMILIAR WITH THIS FUSS BALL, ARE GAMES HELD IN STATES CALLED CA, FL, TX & HAWAII.  WHAT DO THESE 4 STATES HAVE IN COMMON?  THE 4 LETTERED WORD, H E A T. MY LITTLE BRO WAS A VERY GOOD BALL PLAYER, AND ALL THE REALLY GOOD FUSS BALL PLAYERS GET INVITED TO THESE LITTLE SCRIMMAGES.  I WILL NOW ILLUSTRATE THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF AN OLDER BROTHER AND THE SACRIFICES HE MAKES FOR HIS LITTLE SIDEKICK.  AND A KICK IN THE SIDE IS WHAT I GOT. IF YOUNG GEISHAUSER OVER HERE COMES TO ME AND SAYS, “CORY, WHAT HAVE YOU EVER DONE FOR ME?” I WILL PULL OUT A MAP OR A GLOBE AND SHOVE MY POINTER TO A LITTLE TOWN WHERE MY LITTLE BROTHER DRAGGED AND DRUGGED OUR FAMILY A FEW YEARS BACK.  A LITTLE PLACE CALLED FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA. YES, BRET WAS INVITED TO PLAY IN THE SNOW BOWL IN ‘WHERE IN THE WORLD IS FARGO NORTH DAKOTA?’  NOW, I HAD JUST SEEN THE MOVIE ‘FARGO’, WHICH PAINTED A VERY GOOD PICTURE OF WHAT I HAD COMING TO ME.  AND, WHEN MY DAD AND I WERE SITTING AT A BAR IN THE MINNEAPOLIS AIRPORT AND THE BARTENDER SAID, “WHERE ARE YOU FELLAS HEADED?’  AND DAD SAYS PROUDLY, “FARGO”.  THE BARKEEP TRIPS AND SAYS, “FARGO?  IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD BUT YOU CAN SURE SEE IT FROM THERE”.  THAT’S WHEN I DECIDED MY NEXT DRINK WOULD BE A DOUBLE. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT BROTHERLY LOVE.  WHEN WE LEFT PGH, IT WAS A COOL 50 DEGREES, OKAY DOKEY, WE GET TO MINNESOTA, IT’S REALLY COLD …ZERO..0!  THEN WE ARRIVE TO FARGO, ARE YOU READY FOR THIS, BROTHER.  MINUS 50 DEGREES BELOW,, THAT’S BELOW ZERO.  CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT?  WELL, FARGOIN’ A! WHITE AS FAR AS THE EYES COULD SEE, CARS PLUGGED INTO GERNERATORS AT SHOPPING CENTERS, SNOT CICLES DANGLING FROM MY NOSE, AND A NEW TERM I LEARNED AT THE TERM-INAL. DE-ICING THE WINGS. OH, DID I MENTION –50?  SANTA CLAUS LIVES IN A WARMER CLIMATE AT THE NORTH POLE, AND EVEN FROSTY SAYS PUT ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE. NEVER A DULL MOMENT WITH BRET.  THE FARGONIANS WERE  PROUD TO SAY, WE HAVE THE LOWEST CRIME RATE IN AMERICA, .. NO SHIT, CROOKS WOULD NEED HEAT RAY GUNS FOR A BREAK IN. HEY, WE HARDLY HAVE ANY ILLNESSES, .. NO SHIT AGAIN, THAT’S CAUSE BACTERIA CAN’T SURVIVE IN SUB ARTIC ZERO DE FRIGGIN GREE TEMPS. ALTHOUGH FARGO GIVES A NEW  MEANING TO THE TERM BLUE BALLS, I HAD A GREAT TIME.  I WAS VERY PROUD OF MY LITTLE BRUDER UND DAS FUSS BALL.  GREAT HEATED, INDOOR STADIUM AND WE ALL HAD A BLAST.  2 YEARS LATER THE SNOW BOWL MOVED TO TEXAS AND IS NOW CALLED THE CACTUS BOWL. SO, JULIE, WHEN YOU TWO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON.. BRET, YOU TOLD  HER YOU’RE GOING TO FARGO RIGHT?  HEY, CUT HIM SOME SLACK, HE’S A LITTLE LOW ON FUNDS, NEW HOUSE, NEW JOB, NEW WIFE, ..FARGO IS THE PLACE TO BE THIS TIME OF YEAR.  THEY’RE HAVING A FRIGGIN HEAT WAVE RIGHT NOW, IT’S LIKE AT LEAST 2 DEGREES.  BABY, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS, AND BRET LOADS UP THE FAMILYTRUCKSTER TO HEAD WEST TO WALLY WORLD AND HE MENTIONS OF A LITTLE PLACE TO STOP ALONG THE WAY, A COOL SPOT IN THE DAKOTAS, YOU MAKE SURE YOU’RE DRIVING IN THE HEARTLAND.  THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE IN THE DAKOTAS, EXCEPT FOR MOUNT RUSHMORE AND THAT TAKES LIKE 3 MINUTES OUT OF YOUR DAY. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, OR WHERE YOU GO WITH THIS BOY, IT’S AN ADVENTURE.  AND, WITH YOU TWO JOCKS, YOU HAVE LOTS OF FUN.   DON’T FORGET TO ALWAYS TAKE ALCOHOL, IT NUMBS THE PAIN.   GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS & EIN PROSIT EIN PROSIT, DER GEMUTLICHKEIT... EINS, ZWEI, DREI…G’SUFFA!